There is something to be said for those of us who live inside their own heads.
I guess when you break it down we as human beings are pretty simple. Things are a lot more black and white than people make them out to be. You encounter something, anything, and you make a decision that you either like it or don't. There are good people and bad people. The bad ones may try to blind you and convince you that they are good, but it's like a bandaid over a bullet hole... Eventually the true colors will bleed out and be seen. You can determine pretty quickly what you will and will not do, and what you are and are not willing to put up with from other people. The reaction to said situation is really the most thought you have to put into it. Feelings, thoughts, and emotions are all pretty primal/instinctive. I.E. Someone hits you: You will most likely instantly feel anger, pain, confusion etc... And depending upon who is hitting you, you may get your feelings hurt, your heart broken, etc... The point is, at that point you already know how you feel about it, you are now left with making the decision of how to react.
But I digress...
The point behind this post is that I have been told a lot recently that I don't let people in, I am withdrawn, and quiet.
Please don't mistake this...
I KNOW!!!! I DO IT ON PURPOSE!!!
I have lived a big chunk of my life breaking my back looking out for other people and trying to make someone else happy. Doing without so I could do for others. And in my years of experiance of living as the girl who is too kind hearted to say no even when I know that I am being taken advantage of, the girl who won't leave a terrible relationship because there is always some "hope" that love will conquer all and he will eventually act right, the girl who shrugs off being treated like shit every other day because "a good day is gonna come around eventually" I have learned that life is too damn short to live it for someone else. Especially someone who doesn't appreciate it for the amazing gift that it is. Someone who either has no idea or does not care what it's worth.
So in closing...
Yes I hate the world, No I won't let you in, You are only gonna hurt me or fuck me over in the end anyway so why waste both our time?
I don't need shit from anyone I am fine on my own. Matter of fact I am beginning to prefer it that way. I stay with a head full of shit that would make the most sane man go mad.
I have been thru more in my short life than most could live thru, and I've earned the right to be weary of people and defensive.
After all, my last name is Walls.
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2 comments:
Hi there I was cruizin the dashboard and noticed you posted consecutively. Not that posting ever gets my attention, but this one did. I guess I can identify with the reality of your words.
We really have to walk a thousand miles in the footsteps of others to ever comprehend their place in the world, and if we could look deep into the heart of any man or woman, we would immediately loose all feelings, bias whatever, towards those people.
I too have lived with things up here, in my paradise. I do not let just anyone in, and especially with my art. I am an inmature, self centered, and at times over confident human being, but I never hide what I am.
So thank you for your share, sometimes, we share to hear what we need to hear, and create what we need to see for ourselves, and there will always be people out there who try to take more and find the bad instead of the common threads in us.... :)
I generally react to those types. And I do so in an absolute and blatant manner, there will never be any doubt in your head when I am angry or hurt at someone. I guess when you have lived close to death like I have, and come back from that scrap of shit pile, you realize that it is me who matters, and everything else, and anyone else comes second or third to me and my GOD.
You are my darling friend, and one of my original blogger friends, and psychology states that any romance only lasts 2 years, but what keeps a relationship open and alive are similarities. I look for the similarities today, and this is why I have many great friends like you.
Thank you for leting me spill my heart open for you....
kisses and hugs always,
Jesse Noe
hye lucy, i agree with jesse. for my opinion, we, as normal human always need moral support and tis is the way to motivate ourself so it wont make our life to down. we still have parent, child, cousin, friends that really care of. always be happy ok then u realize its really a wonderful life.
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