I took the "handwriting personality" quiz on gURL.com
		my handwriting personality is... dreamy doodler A little rebellious and a lot quirky, routines bore you and you're happiest when things aren't operating on a set schedule (kind of makes school and work a drag, right?). Read more... What does your handwriting reveal about you?

I went to war.

To those of you whom I know personally and those who have been following my battle with cancer I have AMAZING news!!!

As of 9:40 AM today I have officially been declared in remission!!!!
Today may be the happiest day of my life.
I wanna tell the world.
I wanna hold my daughter and cry for hours.
I wanna go back to work and have a real life again.
I wanna do back flips.
I wanna have a huge party.

The survival rate for my specific type of cancer is less than half. I fought back hard and I beat the odds. 3 surgeries, 4 painful biopsies, hormone and radiation therapy, sadness, fear and depression and dammit I won! The world is a beautiful place today.

Gotta lotta walls

There is something to be said for those of us who live inside their own heads.

I guess when you break it down we as human beings are pretty simple. Things are a lot more black and white than people make them out to be. You encounter something, anything, and you make a decision that you either like it or don't. There are good people and bad people. The bad ones may try to blind you and convince you that they are good, but it's like a bandaid over a bullet hole... Eventually the true colors will bleed out and be seen. You can determine pretty quickly what you will and will not do, and what you are and are not willing to put up with from other people. The reaction to said situation is really the most thought you have to put into it. Feelings, thoughts, and emotions are all pretty primal/instinctive. I.E. Someone hits you: You will most likely instantly feel anger, pain, confusion etc... And depending upon who is hitting you, you may get your feelings hurt, your heart broken, etc... The point is, at that point you already know how you feel about it, you are now left with making the decision of how to react.
But I digress...

The point behind this post is that I have been told a lot recently that I don't let people in, I am withdrawn, and quiet.
Please don't mistake this...
I KNOW!!!! I DO IT ON PURPOSE!!!

I have lived a big chunk of my life breaking my back looking out for other people and trying to make someone else happy. Doing without so I could do for others. And in my years of experiance of living as the girl who is too kind hearted to say no even when I know that I am being taken advantage of, the girl who won't leave a terrible relationship because there is always some "hope" that love will conquer all and he will eventually act right, the girl who shrugs off being treated like shit every other day because "a good day is gonna come around eventually" I have learned that life is too damn short to live it for someone else. Especially someone who doesn't appreciate it for the amazing gift that it is. Someone who either has no idea or does not care what it's worth.

So in closing...
Yes I hate the world, No I won't let you in, You are only gonna hurt me or fuck me over in the end anyway so why waste both our time?
I don't need shit from anyone I am fine on my own. Matter of fact I am beginning to prefer it that way. I stay with a head full of shit that would make the most sane man go mad.

I have been thru more in my short life than most could live thru, and I've earned the right to be weary of people and defensive.

After all, my last name is Walls.

OK OK OK I'll update already

I went to Chicago for Thanksgiving, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. I actually had a little fun. I wanted to go shopping for a Chicago Bears hoodie but never really made it that far. Got back last Monday, and had to catch up on all the house work and errands that being gone for 6 days left me with.

I had yet another biopsy on Tuesday and pretty much went off on my surgeon for making me play the waiting game for weeks with all these damn test results so she ordered this one STAT and rather than waiting 3 weeks I waited 3 hours. Turns out she found MORE cancer cells so I go back in this Thursday for........ More tests. (God save me) I'm pretty damn down about all this, because I was supposed to be declared in remission this month and able to go back to work. I am so fed up with being sick all the time and bouncing back and forth between all these doctors and the tests and surgeries and treatments........ It's really starting to break me. Everyone wants to support the fight against cancer, but no one supports the fighter. It's a pretty lonely place to be.

Thursday, I took Maddy to get her first filling at the dentist, and she was so brave. That little girl makes me so proud to be her momma. All the assistants were very impressed with how well she did.

And now...
I need to start my x-mas shopping...
I'm extra broke this year so I haven't even started yet. It's depressing. I miss having money and not having to struggle for everything so hard.
Somehow Santa will make it . It always works out somehow right?